


Carry Him

by alecmagnuslwb



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Episode: 03e16 Stay With Me, Episode: s03e15 To the Night Children, M/M, Spoilers, captain holt voice: painnnnnnnnn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-26
Updated: 2019-03-26
Packaged: 2019-12-18 10:16:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18247802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alecmagnuslwb/pseuds/alecmagnuslwb
Summary: He's lifted Magnus in his arms to carry countless times before, but he never thought it'd be like this.





	Carry Him

**Author's Note:**

> Sure Institute medics probably have gurneys, but for the purpose of this angst we're gonna say they don't.

It’s not the first time Alec’s lifted his boyfriend into his arms to carry.

He’s come home after late night patrols to find Magnus hunched uncomfortably over his desk in the apothecary, head pillowed on a large tome and quietly slipped his arms under Magnus careful not to disturb, to lay him gently under silk sheets.

He’s lifted Magnus between the heat of frantic kisses, his boyfriend’s legs locking around him tight murmuring words of affection and fire against his lips.

He’s lifted him from the couch after movie marathons when Magnus is just too adorably stubborn to get up and actually go to bed.

“It’s just too far Alexander,” he’d moan blinking his beautiful brown eyes up at Alec, making him incapable of doing anything but lifting him up with a fond smile.

This isn’t like any of those times. In this moment Magnus is a dead wait of muscle in his arms, his head lolling to the side not instinctively tucking into Alec’s neck the way it usually does as he rushes through the halls of the Institute. He’s not mumbling sleepily to Alec or clutching his fingers in Alec’s shirt loosely. His arms are hanging stiffly, no flourish or reaction.

He’s in Alec’s arms with blood still on his lips instead of a smile. It’s every nightmare Alec never knew of come to life.

Every time Alec’s lifted Magnus into his arms he’s been overcome with love, passion and fondness. Not now though, now it’s panic and fear like nothing he’s ever experienced before, not even when Valentine had attacked the Institute had he felt like this. Because then he could keep the glimmer that Magnus was in tact floating at the corner of his mind, now he knows Magnus isn’t.

He barely registers the flurry of medics around him or Catarina rushing in directly after him as he enters the infirmary. He carefully deposits Magnus on the bed from his arms and unlike every other time before he doesn’t get to lay beside him.

For a terrifying, fracturing moment he wonders if he’ll ever get to again.

And when Catarina gently pushes him back with understanding eyes to give her room to work his hand drops from Magnus’ where he grips tightly, but Magnus doesn’t grip back.

They say you can’t carry the world in your hands, but he’s lifted his world into his arm’s countless times before and as his eyes sting with tears never leaving Magnus, he swears on everything he knows this won’t be the last time, can’t be the last time.  

**Author's Note:**

> Can't believe I wrote angst, but here it is cause I'm really going through it.
> 
> Find me on tumblr where I'm crying about last night's episode and preemptively about next weeks: alecmagnuslwb


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